Arguments.
Distance.
Poor communication.
Lack of intimacy.
Loss of passion.
And naturally so.
Those things hurt so much, they emotionally consume us and take over.
But such symptoms are rarely the real issue.
Over the years, I have worked with couples facing various different challenges.
Some blamed one another.
Some carried responsibilities that were never theirs.
Some struggled to communicate.
Some felt unseen, unheard, or disconnected.
Some had simply lost the spark they once shared.
Different stories.
Different circumstances.
Yet beneath them, I often find the same pattern:
The focus has shifted away from the one place where real change is possible.
Ourselves.
Many people try to change the relationship.
Some try to change their partner.
Few stop and look at themselves.
And until that happens, the same patterns tend to repeat - regardless of who is right, who is wrong, or how many conversations take place.
That is why most relationship issues are not really relationship issues.
They are often reflections of something deeper within the partners creating the relationship itself.
When you got together, you formed a mutual domain. A virtual-emotional space for the both of you.
This domain is not a physical entity. It's an energetic, emotional and spiritual space which exists even when you're thousands of miles apart.
The mutual domain you create together is unique. There's no other like it in the entire universe.
You entered that space by choice. This choice is a continuous one - as long as you both choose to be present in that domain, your connection exists.
The essence of a healthy relationship isn't in that choice itself. It's not even in the commonly accepted terms people often raise.
The
The
Dr. Ben Shomercore essence of a genuinely good relationship is the notion that each of you is a whole, independent person. This must always be maintaned that way.
The more whole, present, emotionally independent and self-assured we become as individuals, the more capable we are of sustaining a healthy relationship.
Based on the sense of a free choice, and commitment to the relationship itself, you can maintain all the elements that are crucial to a healthy relationship.
And this distinction is more important than it may first appear.
Becoming committed
It may sound surprising, but becoming emotionally dependent on a partner weakens both the individual and the relationship.
Fear of loss.
Fear of conflict.
Fear of honesty.
Freedom creates the conditions for something entirely different.
Two people who are free to be themselves can choose one another fully.
Again and again.
Not from need. But from love.
The basis of a genuinely healthy relationship is true freedom to be your true self.
When you're committed to the relationship itself, you remain free to be fully yourself while continuing to nurture the domain you created together.
That constant effort to be understood.
The frustration when the same argument or behaviour keeps repeating.
The thought of "if he/she would only change this one thing" - and the disappointment when they don't.
Perhaps being tired of appeasing.
Giving in.
Giving up on yourself.
So much tension in protecting your position.
Defending your choices, avoiding judgment.
Trying to convince.
Trying to fix.
Trying to avoid another conflict.
Carrying such a load is exhausting.
Can you feel that weight?
Now imagine something entirely different.
Not a different partner.
Not different circumstances.
Simply... without all that tension.
A different way of relating.
A relationship that no longer revolves around control, defense, blame, or dependency.
A relationship built on freedom, responsibility, honesty, and choice.
Would you want that?
It begins with a change in perspectives and concepts.
We change the model of a healthy relationship.
And something remarkable follows.
It becomes easier to breathe, to smile, to touch.
Now, a sense of a safe space begins to emerge, first within ourselves, then between the partners.
From there, new possibilities become available.
To communicate positively, openly, courageously and honestly.
To create a relationship where both people are free to be fully themselves.
To reconnect emotionally and physically.
To rediscover intimacy, affection, passion, and playfulness.
To become more present with one another.
To see each other again.
And new possibilities begin to emerge - for intimacy, joy, growth, and genuine partnership.
You do not need your partner's participation to begin improving the relationship.
Many people begin this work alone.
And when one partner changes, the relationship always begin to change as well.
Because every relationship is a dynamic system.
When one part changes, the entire system responds.
Life could have been so much easier, if they taught us relationships and life mastery at school.
But they don't.
And most of us need to make the same mistakes from scratch.
So did I.
When I got married, I was certain that love was the essence of a relationship.
Love hard enough, care enough, give enough — and everything will work out.
Little did I know.
The cracks appeared almost immediately.
Then came the greatest mistake of all.
I said to myself:
"There's no such thing as a relationship that doesn't work for me. I'll invest more time, more effort, and make it work!"
So I kept pushing.
I ignored the warning signs.
Naively, I convinced myself that having a child would make things better.
Later, I was certain that moving abroad would finally solve it.
Yet with each passing year, I found myself struggling more, escaping more, and feeling increasingly alone.
My career flourished, but the failing relationship cast a shadow over everything else.
I felt trapped in an emotional jailhouse.
When I finally began listening to the messages, came a turning point in my life.
I described it in my "about" page - how one day, a book I "stumbled on" changed my perspectives on life. Forever.
That book opened a completely different way of seeing life.
For the first time, I began discovering my source of power and control from within.
And with these new realizations, I totally changed my perspectives on the core truth of relationships.
I realized that it all stems, and relies on personal responsibility.
I began practicing that concept regardless of what happened around me.
It wasn't a ripe, polished observation yet, but it was strong enough to make me choose to move on.
I realized I need to come back home, to myself, to my inner peace.
Then, I will be ready for a new beginning.
When I intended to leave home, I had one dominant, conscious decision.
I said to myself:
"First, I want to find my own place, live my own life, rebalance and find myself back. Only then, will I even begin to consider having a relationship."
Ah, I mentioned earlier life's surprises...
It may sound crazy, but about half an hour after I first met Efrat, all of my "conscious decisions" flew out of an invisible window, and I already knew we'll be together. And so it happened.
On the following day, we became a couple.
Very early in our relationship, we adopted one of my core life principles:
This is why we turned our relationship into a laboratory,
embarking on a courageous journey of discovery.
We explored freedom, personal responsibility in the connection, and how to maintain individuality within our togetherness.
It was a path of experiencing, with deep discussions, insights and revalations.
We gradually began discovering what actually creates a great relationship.
We made it a clear choice. Whenever disagreements arise, we'll keep searching until we produce a third alternative.
Whenever we have a misunderstanding, we don't wave it off. We communicate until white smoke comes out of the room.
Whatever we went through, the highlights and the hardships, the guiding light was a strong choice of togetherness.
We wrote our mission statement as a couple, and tightened our spiritual connection.
It still is journey worth walking. Still a source of learning, wisdom and support.
I have been mentoring couples for over two decades.
My knowledge and teachings, and the ideas you've encountered throughout this page don't come from an academic theory or a certification program.
They come from the trenches, from the field.
They were forged through mistakes, painful lessons, courageous choices, thousands of deep conversations with Efrat, and years of helping other couples navigate their own journeys.
They continue to evolve to this very day.
And perhaps that is why I remain so passionate about this work today.
I know how much suffering a struggling relationship can create.
And I know what becomes possible when things change for the better.
This work is highly focused and personal.
It is tailored specifically to you, with a unique combination - each of you as an individual and as a couple.
When we first meet, I'll listen carefully to each of you. One unique power I possess is the ability to detect your concept, behavioral patterns and issues, not only from what you say, but also from the space between the words.
Accordingly, I'll present questions to clarify things deeper, and this will be the initial basis of our work.
We relate to your real life situations, challenges, and every day experiences.
Nothing abstract. Nothing theoretical.
Our observation moves constantly.
At times, we zoom out - to see the wider picture, the overall process.
At times, we go in - precise, focused, revealing what truly drives things.
The way to your safe space is simple - I'll just identify where each of you breaks it, and bring awareness to choosing the opposite.
To enhance your safe space, I'll invite you to create a special agreement, which will provide you with a safety net along our mutual work.
Communication becomes a central part of our work together.
Not only verbal communication.
We explore the non-verbal, emotional, physical and energetic ways people constantly communicate with one another.
It's our
Whereever applicable, you'll practice through physical exercises, touch and movement.
Many of the practices will build genuine intimacy between you, make you truly closer to one another, and teach you how to relate to one another such that love will really be the lead.
I will
Whenever a disagreement arises between you, I guarantee an objective observation and feedback.
I will be direct with you.
Clear. Honest.
I don’t round corners, and I don’t let things slide.
Our work does not end when the session ends.
Actually, that's where it begins. You will be asked to practice what we uncover in between sessions.
I am available to you in between sessions - present, responsive, involved.
In your daily life.
This is more than just conversation.
We work on multiple levels -
through awareness, through the body, through emotion.
At times, through movement.
Through sound.
Through guided inner work, release processes, and meditation.
Each element is used where it is needed -
to create real embodiment, not just understanding.
Understand how I work, what to expect, and how the journey unfolds.
About the Process
Schedule a complimentary clarity session and let's explore your situation together.
We'll look at where you are, what challenges you face, and whether working together feels right.